My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
