As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
