Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
