i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
