in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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