Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
