ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Send help, water and tortillas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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