singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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