Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
