yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
