bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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