I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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