Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
