i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
