I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
