took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
