I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
