just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
