how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
