Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
