Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
