I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
