Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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