I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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