I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
being pregnant is like rehab
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
