saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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