At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
