youre lurking in front of me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
