I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
