All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
