It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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