Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
