Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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