maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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