He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
