Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dear god my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
