I puked a lego.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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