my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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