I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
