you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
