great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
