He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
