Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
