your room smells of hookers.
And success
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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