And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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