So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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