I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
