I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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