Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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