The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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