I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
